Ever wonder why your blog is languishing with a mere 50 hits a day despite all your kick ass content and awesome, well constructed musings? Well fear not! Just follow these three steps and you’ll be enjoying bandwidth issues and server crashes in no time!
Step 1. Stick up a picture of Robert Pattinson.
- Before Pattinson – 15 hits per day mainly from the missus and next door neighbour.
- After Pattinson – 250 per day.
As you can no doubt discern, that’s a twentyfold increase off just one picture. It stands to reason that putting up 655 pictures of R-Pat (especially ones where he’s looking particularly vampirey) will result in a minimium of 163, 750 hits per day.
Now, admittedly most of those hits will be down to horny teenage twilight fans doing Google searches for “Robert Pattinson moody,” or “Sexy Vampire Robert,” which I’m guessing is not exactly your target audience (well unless you’re gunning for the cream of the literati) but hey it’s a start right?
Step 2. Once you have enough Robert Pattinson pictures to be generating 163, 750 hits per day its time to take it up a notch. Yup, that’s right, time to talk about how much you’re loving Game of Thrones.
Unfortunately actually talking about something is a bit more involved than prowling for pictures of R-Pat – it actually requires a modicum of writing ability. But, hey isn’t that what blogging is supposed to be about anyway? Besides, today’s skilful blogger can always find ways around actually attempting to analyse the intricacies of GRRM’s plot by simply talking about the Game of Thrones TV series instead. Score!!
(N.B) Repeatedly mention HBO’s tendancy to overdo the sex scenes, and fire up at least a half dozen pictures of cast members refering to how perfectly suited they are to their respective roles. (HINT) Focus particularly on:
You can mix Sansa up with Arya if you want to keep people on their toes, oh, and while you’re at it if you accidently slip in another pic of Robert Pattinson looking particularly pale and Vampire-like no harm done.
Step 3. If after having done all the above you still haven’t reached the million a day mark don’t lose hope! There is one final uber trick in the bag … Write a crappy blog post with a title something along the lines of “3 simple ways to create a successful blog” Post a link to it up on twitter, sit back and enjoy the show!