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Shiri gets thumbs up from Night Owl Reviews

Look what I woke up to!

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Check out the review here.

Ah yes … five stars … top pick … “exceptional novel” … “The writing was fantastic” … “I can actually see it adapted to the movie screen” … “I just couldn’t put it down.”

All the things I like to hear! Well that’s my blog post for the day short and sweet!

It’s published … so now what?

What do you get when you add four years of writing, editing, rewriting, editing, writing, rewriting and editing, add in a few spoonfuls of procrastination, wondering, doubting and delaying and finally a little dash of courage?

Well you get something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Shiri-ebook/dp/B00EBB4S6G/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1376560287&sr=8-2

Lord knows I forgot to include the zombies, wizards, mysteriously attractive vampires and (insert newest most popular trend here … I dunno  … middle-aged housewives meeting attractive, rich bachelors with a penchant for poorly written hardcore sado-masochistic bondage) but,  hey, there is always the obligatory sequel for that.

Now all I need to do is figure out how to get approximately 7,593, 821 people to buy it. Why 7,593,821 do you say? Well give or take a few hundred thousand that’s how many purchases I need to be able to afford this:

yacht

Current strategies include:

  1. Seven hundred thousand  daily tweets demanding that you “BUY MY BOOK”
  2. A totally awesome YouTube video involving an intelligent looking author advising you that if you like Game of Thrones you’ll love this.
  3. Two thousand three hundred and twenty one daily tweets informing you that for every copy of Shiri that is sold 50% of the profits will go to the starving orphan children of  Gondwanaland (may alter depending on most in vogue celebrity charity of the week)

 

Any additional marketing advice greatly appreciated.

Writing a crummy blog post … just for the sake of it.

writerMan, it’s been ages since I had enough time to sit down and write a blog post. So the good news is the book is done! There is basically, like feck all to do now, well aside from a few last minute tweaks (famous last words) and then, it’s Amazon time.

There have been god knows how many delays and if you’d asked me a year ago I’d have been shocked if you’d told me how long it would take, but finally after, umm, let’s say four years, Shiri is ready. So watch this space!

Time for a glass of champers methinks.

How To Write a Pitch

Turns out I’ve been going about this pitch writing business all wrong. What you have to do is fill it with loads of clichés and self praise and ensure you have a nice ‘hook’ at the end which shows how it can be converted into a big budget Hollywood blockbuster with relative ease.

The first step is devising a nice punchy opener. Something along the following lines is advisable ….

“My book is about Raven Delamort, a sexually oppressed emo chick who doesn’t realise how hot she is. Having just begun classes in some random high school you’ve never heard of, Raven gets dragged into a bunch scenarios that a couple of other people have already written bestsellers about.”

This will show the agent that you really know what you’re talking about and have thoroughly researched the market.

Then what you have to is launch into a few dozen cliché ridden phrases to really get the heart pumping i.e. “Epic coming of age tale, fast paced, average teenager, Robert Pattinson, intriguing, everyday issues, Megan Fox, sexually domineering, blockbuster, strange magical powers, vampire  etc. etc. etc.” Just keep firing them out one after another for at least three pages until the reader is totally overwhelmed by your awesomeness.

At this point you’re guaranteed to have them hooked but it’s not over yet, now you need to close the show in style. This necessitates hitting them with a nice catchy title that shows how it will really appeal to the literati. Don’t be afraid to work in a few of your tried and trusted clichés again here … you know just in case somebody missed a couple first time round.

So …

“FIFTY SHADES OF TWILIGHT AND THE PHILOSOPHERS’s STONE is an intriguing and fast paced erotic fantasy. It’s an epic coming of age tale exploring everyday issues such as how an average teenager who doesn’t fit in with the popular kids deals with discovering she has strange magical powers after falling in love with a sexually domineering vampire. FIFTY SHADES OF TWILIGHT AND THE PHILOSOPHERS’s STONE is suitable for conversion to a Sci-Fi blockbuster starring Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox.”

Oh and P.S. if you have time to botch together a cover involving Robert Pattinson staring soulfully into the camera and Megan Fox looking, well, like Megan Fox, it certainly won’t hurt ….

Coming to a cinema near you!

Shiri – The Pitch

I’ve been asked to post up more info about the ‘top secret’ Shiri … so here’s the pitch!

***

Shiri blocks her ears to her mother’s screams and sees the arrows strike her father’s chest. With their murderers bearing down on her she turns to obey his final command. “RUN!”

Amenhotep, Prince of Egypt, burns her village, enslaves her people, and destroys all she loves. Only Shiri escapes. With tears in her eyes and vengeance in her heart, she races to warn the Shepherd King. If she doesn’t reach him in time, all Palestine will burn.

It’s a race that takes her from the fields of Armageddon, to the sands of Ancient Egypt and the very heart of Pharaoh’s court. It’s a struggle that brings the deaths of kings and the birth of a god. It’s a quest that sees her fall in love.

But in a world of masters and slaves can such love really survive? The man she loves is known to all others as Yuya. He is the mysterious new governor of a powerful Egyptian city, and high priest of ‘The Jealous God.’ He is determined to set her people free. Only Shiri knows his true identity and must protect it at all costs, for he is Josef, son of the Shepherd King, and without him, all is lost.

Shiri: Cover Reveal

Well, what do ye think?

Big thanks to everybody that helped out and gave advice.

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