8 Simple Ways To Get Your Twitter Account Un-followed

Are you fed up with having too many twitter followers? I know, it’s a complete pain in the ass ain’t it? Well fear not! If you wanna get back to the good old days when you were followed by nothing but your pet hamster and a few loyal sock puppets  here’s 8 simple ways to get me at least to click that glorious ‘Un-follow!’

1. Send me a direct message saying you have a video of me having sex with an ostrich. (Works 100% of the time)

2. Avoid trying to introduce yourself, just immediately launch into an attempt to flog me your book/product.  Yup, that’s right, dispense with all this, “Hi, how are you?” nonsense, I mean what’s the point? Just go straight for the jugular with a patented and highly original, “Pleeeease buy my Book! My mom gave it 5 stars!!”

3. Say “Thanks for the RT!” and then refuse to reciprocate – RT’s are for suckers.

4. Tweet the names of everybody who un-followed you, (this is a real good way of showing your class and guaranteed to get results).

5. Flood my twitter stream with two dozen links to your product and how amazing it is. I just love this sort of thing.

6. Follow me and then try to get me to jump through some ‘true tweet’ hoops to prove I’m not a robot when I go to follow you back.

7. Tell me what you had for breakfast EVERY SINGLE MORNING – I adore hearing about what some guy I never heard of had with his coffee. It really makes my day.

8. Tell me why Obama is better than Romney (or vice-versa) and then when I say I’m not American continue to advise me on how the national debt could be lowered and how rising unemployment could be dealt with … Yes, yes that’s all very interesting, I’ll be sure to remember your sage words, please tell me more.

Comments (18)

  1. Elise Fallson

    Ok, so you have totally thrown a monkey wrench in my Friday blogfest post. You haven’t posted in months, (don’t think I didn’t notice) and you finally write something, today, before Friday 16th! (;

    Ok, I’ll stop bitching and go read your post. brb. (:

    • Dave

      oops! Yeah I know I’ve been very bad, been writing instead of blogging!!! Must get back to posting more again. 🙂 🙂

    • Elise Fallson

      Haha! Twitter is so strange to me and I still have a hard time with it. Case in point, I just recently found the “@ connect” button and how to use it. :/

      You have no idea how many times I’ve written a tweet but never posted it, saying to myself “no one gives a crap about this, Elise.”

      Also, glad you’re still blogging.

      • Dave

        lol took me months to figure out this twitter business and I’m still not convinced that I’m doing it right in fact I’m pretty sure I’m not! And yeah still blogging but must start churning out a few more posts – I dunno how you do it!

  2. The Missus

    I love the “share the link on twitter” underneath!!! What a shrewd business man!! xxx

  3. Hey, DS, you and I both played hooky for a few months. What part of being lazy don’t these folks understand? Hah.
    I’ll admit that I did write a novel…and am 3/4 through with a nano book…while my blogsite has gone to wrack and ruin.
    Thank you, DS, for visiting my blog even though I’ve been gone. Shamed me into getting back and trying to come up with something. Maybe this weekend. Will you come visit?
    I know less than you do about Twitter. So don’t plead the ignorance amendment.
    :v Erin

  4. I was about to give up waiting for your next blog post David. Another hiatus like that and you’re off my blog roll. Obviously you are not suited to writing serials. You know, content that has to come out on a regular basis … ??

  5. Dave

    I’ll do my best to avoid your wrath, Janie

  6. So if I really DO have a vid of you with an ostrich, what’s your preferred method of hearing about it? LOL.

    Yeah, I’m not a huge Twitter fan either, but I play along like a good aspiring author should. Thanks for the laugh!

  7. Haha! I loved this! I have a hard time being anything less than cynical about the whole Facebook, Twitter, social media circus. In the beginning it may have been about actual people connecting, but now it’s just about the me-me-me’s selling my-my-my stuff. Ugh.

    Awesome post — keep it up! 😀

    • Dave

      I really need to play the me me me selling stuff angle a bit harder so I can fit in!!

      • I’ve put your blog on my blogroll list, but it won’t move to the top unless you write new posts (blogger automates it like that). I’m very interested in hearing about your book about Egyptian mythos but can’t find a tab for it here. Is it being queried or did you get a contract or self-pub? My book info’s on my blog; I’m querying atm… You can email me at laura.6eg (at)

  8. Tom

    I had 2 boiled eggs and 4 slices of brown bread for breakfast this morning.

  9. The thing about the ostrich and the sex? I was a victim of one of those spam things were it not only sent the web address that went nowhere, ( Did you see what they are saying about you?) to all my followers, it also sent 600 plus to my inbox. It was pretty hard to clean up and I lost maybe thirty followers cuz of it. Some who know me are trickling back, but I kind of think an actual photo of me having sex with an ostrich may have been more productive. Depends on personal taste I guess.

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